The Master and Margarita: The Missing Chapter!
by Ranglar
Summary: The book was great, the ending was great, but things were left out... I put this under misc books because there was no Master and Margarita category.


**Disclaimer**: I am not Mikhail Bulgakov. The guy's dead for the devil's sake. I own nothing.

The Master and Margarita: The Missing Chapter!

My dear reader! As absurd as it sounds, I must assure you that it is absolutely true that this is the missing final chapter of this book (Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is just for a project.). Surely you didn't think that I, though an outsider, would forget someone as memorable as Hella! The devil only knows how that could have happened.

As it were, Margarita's husband, the lovable man (or not quite lovable in Margarita's case) of whom we know oh so much about, came upon the body of his wife the day after her double death.

"Gods, gods! How could this have happened?" the poor man wept, throwing himself onto his wife's dead body.

"Oh, the love of my life, the light of my eyes is gone," he said, tearing at his hair and beating at his chest in grief.

So profound was the man's misery that he lay crying over his wife for hours, until he saw something that rather took his mind off things. For standing in the in the entrance to the room was a beautiful naked woman.

And so, when said woman started to (ahem) comfort the man, they naturally ended up in the bedroom. The next day, when it was discovered that Hella had missed out on the sending off of the Master and Margarita, the company she kept was, understandably, a little on the annoyed side.

"The devil only knows what we'll do with you." Behemoth said.

"Yes, maybe if we have you hanging on a cross for a few days it will teach you a lesson." Azazello said.

When the magnanimous husband, the model figure of fidelity, was made aware of the gentle maiden's plight, he made the excellent suggestion of using the body of his beloved deceased wife to hang on the cross instead of his new friend Hella.

"I prefer to hang the dead one than to kill the living one,"** he said.

Surely there was no reason for Hella to slap the poor man in the face and leave, was there?

Some time later, Margarita's husband got over Margarita's death and Hella's abrupt disappearance, but became a very reclusive person with no more interest in women. He could in fact not look at one without throwing up. But he was most definitely over Margarita and Hella, never fear!

Many women with scars on their necks and red hair were arrested of course, but for reasons unknown to me they were all luckily released soon after being caught. Perhaps it was something about "not being naked" or something like that.

Now Ivan, our beloved friend with the not so balanced mind, eventually remembered all that he had seen. He and Nikolai Ivanovich started to see each other regularly to talk about their less than natural exploits and experiences. Nikolai was always so miserable about not flying away with Natasha, but besides that their conversations made great progress on settling both of their minds.

By the time they both died, one could have almost sworn that they were completely normal. If one was a liar of course.

Such is the tragedy of knowing too much…

But on to more pleasant matters. Behemoth, naturally, did not stay out of trouble for very long. I will detail here one of his more entertaining adventures here, although there were many hundreds that he had before Woland dragged him, kicking and screaming, back to hell.

With all the black cats being arrested, he decided to go around more inconspicuously with bright white fur and a huge hat with a sign that said "I am not Behemoth". The people, of course, suspected nothing. The cat was walking down the street, humming a song that I could not possibly know, and threw apples at whoever might not like his horrendous humming very much. Cats can't hum so well, naturally, but Behemoth was unnaturally sensitive when it came to humming, so we must indulge him. He eventually gathered a crowd of angry people who he threw apples at (for he spared no one he saw, seeing as only a deaf man would not mind his humming, though he hit one of those with an apple too just to be fair to everyone), and marched them around Moscow, taking the occasional blow to the head with stride (for he was walking, as I mentioned before).

He came to the police station that was holding the majority of his brethren, and, after insulting the mother of everyone present, ran through it gathering as many cats as he could. The police station was overrun by people angrily searching for the offending white cat, only to find that there were only black ones in the building.

This started the police on a campaign to destroy all cats, whether black or white or pink or yellow (perhaps especially those two colors), that got them in trouble when people finally realized how ridiculous and abnormal such a campaign really was.

Perhaps there is time to describe just one more of the ridiculous cat's exploits. For some reason, I get the feeling that he will be the most memorable character written about in this book. Maybe that's because he has such a lovable, cat-like name.

Now, no one knows what really happened, but as near as anyone could guess, Behemoth entered a bar looking like his regular self. The occupants of the bar, seeing the cat that everyone was trying to catch, naturally tried to catch him. Unfortunately for them, no one could catch him and he drank all of their alcohol. This, of course, made all of them angrier than they were at not being able to catch him, so when they finally got their hands on him, they kind of tore him apart. After everyone came to their senses, however, they realized that they had killed the critic, Latunsky, in a most horrible fashion. Seeing this, they all started drinking the alcohol that mysteriously reappeared after the cat left, and forgot what happened.

Those who investigated what had happened concluded that there was no one they could lay the blame on, and left Latunsky's murder unpunished. Somehow, the cat was never implicated, but this made little difference in the ridiculous search for cats of all colors.

Latunsky's ruined apartment was never inhabited again and became a refuge for cats after being abandoned. Whenever someone began to decide to buy it and fix it up, they mysteriously disappeared, with mysterious scratch marks around their houses as the only evidence that something untoward had happened to them.

And now, it is with great regret that I must soon stop writing this brilliant piece of fiction (?). Endings are always such sad occasions, even when they are happy. It is so often difficult to write one that is appropriate and makes sense, especially for such a strange book as this.

And so, for the sake of ending in a way that makes sense, "the fifth procurator of Judea, the equestrian Pontius Pilate."

**MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM MM**

** In the Matron of Ephesus, a story particularly popular in the middle ages, a woman renowned for her fidelity mourns her husband, but while still grieving in his tomb, sleeps with a guard. When the two see a body missing from a cross the guard was supposed to watch over, the widow suggests that the put her husband's body on the cross to prevent the guard from being punished.


End file.
